this past saturday my cousins and i thought we were waking up at 7am to have a fun-filled day at six flags. damn were we wrong. what did we get instead? it's a long story but i'll make it quick: a car that semi-exploded on us in the middle of the highway and went up in smoke on the wrong side of the road. us dodging high-speed traffic while slapping giant grasshoppers off of our legs. a cop car that "pushed" us to the break down lane... but forgot to instruct us on how to stop the broken-down car from rolling onward with traffic. potential criminal offense charges. considering twerking and titty flashing for some sympathy after crying was ruled out. a tow truck driver who definitely liked black girls and cut us some slack but at one point definitely told us "short bus kids" to "hold onto our helmets and wipe our drool while he tries to save our asses." potential bladder releases in the back of said tow truck. possibly the only existing mcdonalds with no dollar menu (i know, crazy right). what did we learn? AAA is a great investment. walking two exit's distance on the highway to the stress-free zone of an amusement park sounds like a great idea after you see how much it costs to tow a car 180 miles. but most importantly: don't let brushes with death, incarceration, mild prostitution and bankruptcy ever stop you from enjoying a perfectly sunny, blue-skied summer's day. where were we 15 minutes after all of this was said and done, after the heavens waved all of those red flags in our faces? laying out on the beach, tanning like some white girls from the west coast with not a care in the world - like some, dare i say it, "beckys." shoutout to my favorite ignorant song off of the ignant playlist we were jammin' to on the way there...
"keep that nookie, i want yo' throat!"
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